Game Character Deathmatch: Wolverine Versus Batman

Okay, since I’m waiting for Windows 7 to do some boring stuff to my wife’s computer, here’s another game character brawl.

This time we’re looking at the Batman: Arkham Asylum version of the Dark Knight versus the X-Men Origins: Wolverine version of Logan. Break it down:

Batman has no superhuman abilities, but he’s probably the most physically fit normal-human superhero since Arnold Schwarzenegger discovered horse steroids. Bruce Wayne has an infinite amount of money, seemingly, to gussy himself up with armor and gizmos designed for fighting crime without killing all involved–which makes one wonder whether Bill Gates or the odd Arabian oil baron doesn’t swing from rooftops and throw metal boomerangs at muggers. I guess if I had Bruce Wayne money, I’d get even fatter and hurl fistfulls of hundred dollar bills at everyone around me until I owned the world and much of the Milky Way galaxy, but that’s just me.

Moving on, Logan is a brutal berserker who doesn’t have all that much money, but he does have a few mutant powers. He can heal wounds in minutes, he has the senses of a canine, and, as we all learned in one of the crappiest superhero movies to be released in years, his bones and his mighty, retractable claws are laced with indestructible adamantium, which doesn’t drink or smoke (but Wolverine does both). It should be noted that Wolverine doesn’t have superhuman strength or anything like that, but he’s probably almost as physically fit as Batman.

I think the big factor in the deathmatch between Bruce and Logan is that Bruce is the cliché gay name. Or not. The biggest factor is that Batman tends not to kill, but instead locks bad guys up in places from which they can easily escape and terrorize Gotham City again within a few hours after capture. Wolverine, meanwhile, would much rather shred villains into bite sized chunks than capture them. Facing Batman, Wolverine would gladly chop off the Dark Knight’s stupid pointy ears–along with the rest of his head–and be on his way.

Batman can fight. He’d likely throw all kinds of contraptions from his Utility Belt (capitalized on purpose) at Wolverine, which Wolverine would eat. Come on, a “batarang?” Even if it scored a hit, Logan would heal up by the time he closed the distance and plowed his claws through Batman’s precious armor and reduced the Caped Crusader to a fine, red mist. Then, just to be thorough, Wolverine would blow up Wayne Mansion, cave in the Batcave, and joy ride the Batmobile around town until he picked up a few chicks.

I’m giving this match to Wolvie. Sorry, Batfans, but unless Brucie found a way to fly away and go into hiding, instead of just gliding around like a kite on a calm day, he wouldn’t stand a chance against an angry Logan.

Durham on Games? How about Durham on Getting a Job?

All that awesome freelance I mentioned didn’t pan out like I thought it would. Sure, I’m getting work, but it’s slow to come. Meanwhile, my wife is supporting us. Thank heavens for Emily, the Ace Radiologic Technologist (aka x-ray tech).

I wrote another story for my writers’ circle. It’s called “Note.” Give it a look if you care to. No word yet on my novel, which is in the skillful hands of my awesome agent Lynn. If it gets published, I expect my readers (BOTH of you!) to buy a copy and make it a bestseller.

More later. One of these days, a couple of pieces I’ve written will be posted. Maybe someday I’ll even get paid.

One Bullet: A Prototype Short Story

I’m an avid creative writer. I have a novel currently being considered for representation by an agent (whom, in turn, I trust completely). I have many, many megabytes of short stories here and there on my drive, possibly 20-30 stories in all. I rarely write about gaming or tech in my creative works, but this one’s a bit different.

Give the fact that I LOVE writing short fiction, I belong to an online writers’ group. The moderator, who goes by the screen monkier “Creole Ned,” gives us ideas upon which we riff to create short stories.

I’ve been lurking this online message board based club for months, but finally submitted my first short story. Ned’s premise?

Exercise 23: Games People Play
Write a scene or story based on a video, board or card game.

Check my entry out and let me know what you think.

The Legendary Loyd Case is BACK!

If you have a second and desire some serious insight into the tech industry, there’s nothing like reading content from Loyd Case. My former supervisor, he’s easily the most intelligent, knowledgable tech dude I’ve ever worked with. Loyd should be Mayor of the Tech Press.

Do check out his blog, leave a comment, and cheer him on.

When Loyd Case talks, people should listen.

Slaving Over a Hot Computer

I know I haven’t been announcing much in the way of work, but I’m busy as hell writing and schmoozing for parts. Down time has been scarce, so definitely stay tuned for links. I have about four current assignments, possibly five, and a batch of ideas I have yet to pitch.

Hey, while you’re looking for something to do, why not check out the various sites of my good friend Jim Lynch? He was the forum moderator and Linux guru over at ET, before the staff got hosed.

He’s all over the place, including Jim Lynch.com, Desktop Linux Reviews, and of course on the social networking sites like LinkedIn and Facebook (where Jim & I often, good-naturedly argue politics).

Also still alive is my former fellow analyst Jason Cross, who hosts his own blog.

I’m not sure what Loyd’s up to, but he had some big ideas before he took off to Europe for three weeks (loser!) (just kidding).

ET had some serious talent. Be sure to keep up with everyone who made the site what it was (Loyd, Jason, Jim, Mikey Nguyen, Jeremy Atkinson, and all the past tech gurus who are scattered about the ether).

Oh yeah, and me.

Game Character Smackdown Part 2: Doom Guy vs. Quake Guy

This bugger of a beatdown all depends on which versions of these games we’re talking about. Doom, of course, is up to its third incarnation, while Quake is on its fourth. The purist in me, however, wants to compare the originals of each title, and how the nameless main characters would fare against each other.

The Doom Guy is armed with mostly conventional weaponry: a shotgun, a chaingun, a rocket launcher, a chainsaw. He also, eventually, carries a couple of more exotic weapons: the plasma gun, and the BFG9000.

The original Quake Guy, meanwhile, carries similar weaponry (a shotgun, a super shotgun, a grenade launcher, a rocket launcher) plus his signature armaments: the nailgun, the super nailgun, an axe, and a lightning gun.

Now, armed with all of their weapons, the Doom Guy would probably just fire the BFG and blow the Quake Guy to atoms. Stripped of that possibility, however, the Doom Guy becomes just about the equal of the Quake Guy.

This smackdown would basically be a running, jumping, strafing affair with thousands of rounds of ballistics fired off before one of the two went down. It also would depend greatly on the available armor, health, quad-damage, and other goodies might be scattered about the arena. For example, if someone nabbed quad-damage and got close enough for a decent shotgun blast, the fight’s pretty much over in a mess of bloody pulp.

Conclusion: with the BFG9000 in play, the Doom Guy wins hands down. Without it, the fight goes to whoever grabs a lucky shot. It’s a draw.

Live, Baby!

Here is my first live piece on HotHardware! I know it’s only a news story, but more (and meatier) to come!

Videogame Character Smackdowns I’d Like to See

Here’s a new, ongoing series for DurhamOnGames.

There are boss battles and there are boss battles. Most of them suck. You get killed a few dozen times learning the patters of each stage of the boss’ attack, then you triumph–darting through a quick time event reflex test minefield or two in the process, usually.

I’m sick of boss battles. When the enemy life meter appears, informing you that you’ve progressed far enough playing the fun parts of a game to have to endure the boss sequence, I’d like to just end the game right there. It won’t be fun again for at least a half hour of trial and freaking error.

How about this? How about cross-over licensing? Make bosses from one game franchise become the star of another franchise? You know what I’m talking about, and it’s not lame Mario-meets-Sonic crap. Let me give you a few examples. Ten, to be precise. Ten videogame character smackdowns I’d really like to see. Sure, they’re as likely to happen as a Marvel character meeting Superman on the big screen, but a guy can dream, right? Sheesh.

Alex “Prototype” Mercer versus Cole “Infamous” McGrath
They’re brooding. They’re angry. They have powers for reasons unknown throughout most of th game. And with great power, as Uncle Ben once told Peter, comes the need to do great damage.

Alex posses godlike powers of transformation, able to throw cars in the air, hijack helicopters, and devour people for their memories and his own life force. Cole has the power of a, well, a really angry, anamorphic battery. He can zap people, zap cars, and generally zap things. Can he zap Alex into submission?

Probably not. While Alex can disguise himself by devouring a target of his choosing, destroy entire buildings with devastator attacks, and rip through hoards of infected and military fools in a matter of seconds, Cole can pretty much shoot lightning bolts at targets. Sure he can flip and blow up cars, if he doesn’t run out of juice doing so. In an area of a city that still has its power grid online where Cole can juice up when he needs to, Cole might stand a chance.

Who are we kidding? Expect Alex to be wearing Cole’s skin as a trophy within 3 minutes of their encounter.

Next smackdown coming soon!

Monday, Monday, Monday

Watch HotHardware.com this Monday for at least a couple of news posts from yours truly. I have assignments from all three of the sites mentioned in my last post, and also from another couple of secret markets. More to come!

That, plus more regular blogging. Topics to include games, gaming, my sadly broken keyboard, and more. Gotta run for now, but keep watching this space…

Soon to be Working Again

Happy Monday. Back to work? For me, almost. Three sites will soon feature my peculiar prose, and they are:

HotHardware.com: Brainchild of the charismatic Dave Altavilla, who has invited me on to do news and reviews!

PC Perspective: The brilliant Ryan Shrout has brought me on to do opinion pieces, reviews and whatever else he cares to toss me!

and

Tom’s Hardware: Supereditor Chris Angelini brought me aboard to do in depth hardware reviews and features!

Watch those sites, and of course this blog, for all kinds of future works of yours truly. Thanks for your support, and thanks to the fellas above for putting food on the Durham table!